healing after relational trauma

The healing power of relationships

We hear a lot about the troubles that can happen in relationships - traumas and life stressors that can drive people apart rather than bring them close. But for those of us who have managed to find in our partner someone who is able to see us in our uniqueness, love us as we really are, and to keep us in mind in the face of the many competing demands for their attention and focus, we may discover that our relationship can be a source of healing and strength.

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It's never too late to create the love you want and deserve!

When most of us think about trauma, what comes to mind is soldiers who have been in war, perhaps someone who has been in a car accident, or physically assaulted. We don't necessarily think about other traumas, more every day, closer to home - like the trauma of a parther's betrayal, being hit by a partner or parent, or having basic needs neglected, ignored or even judged negatively. It's these second set of traumas though, that can cause more problems for us in our closest relationships moving forward. It's hard to trust after being betrayed.

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Changing the soundtrack in your relationship to create intimacy!



It's hard enough at the best of times to stay in good control of our reactions when our partner is saying something we may find difficult to hear.

For those of us who have had traumatic experiences in relationship - especially early in life, in families who may have not been able to meet our emotional needs, it's even harder to do this. 

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Past terrors affect our ability to manage present relationship challenges

Couples where one or both partners have experienced terror as the result of abuse or neglect earlier in life face unique challenges in their relationship. The following scenarios reflect some of the difficulties these couples may face.

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Rebuilding trust: where "trust issues" meet "untrustworthiness" in intimate relationships

Trust is integral to intimate relationships - it's not only the foundation on which everything else is built, it is also the glue that holds the relationship together. For many of us, trust is not easily given to another person where we have been let down in the past.

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Is unresolved trauma affecting the way you see your partner?

Many of us have experienced interpersonal trauma during our growing up years. Interpersonal trauma is different from other kinds of trauma in some important ways. Traumatic events such as having a car accident or surviving a natural disaster like the bushfires, for example, do not necessarily affect our interpersonal relationships in a negative way, although of course there may be other severe and long-reaching effects from which we need to heal.

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How do you forgive yourself or your partner?

Have you ever done something that has caused pain or hurt to your partner? It's almost impossible not to inflict hurt on the ones we are closest to. Where relationships are strong and healthy, we are more likely to be able to forgive our partner or ourselves for this - especially where there are enough 'positive emotional deposits' in the relational bank account to offset a thoughtless act or insensitive comment. More serious breaches, however, such as an affair, or even acts of violence, can mean that forgiveness becomes more problematic.

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