emotional connectedness

How do we recover intimacy in our relationship?

One of the most painful things we can experience in our relationship with our partner is a loss of intimacy - this may mean we don't have sex anymore, or when we do it feels like we're 'just going through the motions'. It can also mean we don't feel emotionally intimate anymore - when we talk it's about routine things, the kids, what has to be done etc. Not about our hopes and dreams, our innermost feelings and longings. 

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Book Review: Love Sense - Dr Sue Johnson

 

The power of monogamy: ten surprising claims about the power of love.

This review first appeared at ‘The Globe and Mail’, author Zoe Bielski.

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'Emotional brains' versus 'talking heads' in intimate relationships

We are all emotional as well as intellectual beings. Our brains are superbly designed to read and respond rapidly and accurately to emotions - we rely on this for our survival, as well as for connectedness and security. According to neuropsychiatrist Daniel Siegal, when we are emotionally flooded - that is, we have a strong emotional reaction to someone or something - a disconnect takes place between the emotional part of our brain and the part that controls reasoning, planning, reflecting and so on.

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'Hold me tight' - depending on each other is actually the recipe for successful relationships!

Love is not about building skills, successful negotiations, being 'reasonable' or learning to resolve conflict effectively. According to Sue Johnson, pre-eminent researcher and creator of the highly effective, evidence-based Emotion Focussed Therapy for Couples, love is in the end about non-negotiables. You can't bargain for compassion or connection. Intimate relationships are about emotional bonds - the innate need we all have for safe, intimate connection, no matter how young or how old we are.

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